That’s when the fight started :

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’

And that’s when the fight started
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes..”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started …
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said..
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”

And that’s when the fight started…
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage…
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back
into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up
to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’
My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?’

And that’s when the fight started…
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.The
woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy Crap. That must be my husband!’
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the
window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to
his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up
to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’

And that’s when the fight started….
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face cream..

And that’s when the fight started…..
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And that’s when the fight started…
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?””
Nah, she can order for herself…”

And that’s when the fight started….
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ said my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And that’s when the fight started….
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my SIN
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age..
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt.’ So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’
and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.’

And that’s when the fight started…..
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive… so, I took her to a gas station.

And that’s when the fight started……
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.I bought her a bathroom scale.

And that’s when the fight started….
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the
gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s when the fight started….



  1. An elderly gentlemann is in for his annual check-up

    After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: ‘You appear
    to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to
    ask me about?’ ‘In fact, I do.’ said the old man. “After I have sex, I
    am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the
    second time, I am usually hot and sweaty.”

    After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: ‘Everything appears
    to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to
    discuss with me?’ The lady replied that she had no questions or
    concerns. The doctor then said to her: ‘Your husband had an unusual
    concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex
    with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time.
    Do you know why?’

    “Oh, that crazy old bastar d” she replied. ‘That’s because the first
    time is usually in January, and the second time is in August.

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